are you so shy because you have an std?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
