the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
