I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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