She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
