very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
