woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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