I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
