chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
