I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize