got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
