Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
