I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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