guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
