At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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