wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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