dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
