end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
