Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
