I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
