I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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