Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize