I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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