i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
