Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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