She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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