I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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