i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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