My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
