just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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