Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
