You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
