I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
