I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I deserve this hangover.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize