ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me I should be a condom model.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
