i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am naked and annoyed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
