I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Its about making memories worth repressing
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
