today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
