Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
