i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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