it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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