So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
