all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
