mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
