shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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