i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
