do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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