he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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