I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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