If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
