just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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