wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
