I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My pussy is not your playground.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
