I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
