Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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