zippers are such a cool invention
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
