I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I enjoy the company of your penis
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
