is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
