16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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