Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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