hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
