It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
