its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
