Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
