Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
