Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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