So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
