I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
