yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
