Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
