Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
