I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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