Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
