I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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