It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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