I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
