Your face is a jimmy john
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
