I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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