I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
