can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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