Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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