Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
