I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
