I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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