he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
