and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
