I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
