Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
