Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
