Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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