So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
