i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
