So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize