We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
