apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
