Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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