There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
