Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
