I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
