Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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