Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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