Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
