just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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